i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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