Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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