You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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