someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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