Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
