You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
