i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
