How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
