why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
