Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
