I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
