What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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