and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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