drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we made out on top of his cat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
