i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize