as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
