Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize