my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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