Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
