; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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