i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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