It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
