I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
