I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
