She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
