when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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