hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
