so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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