I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
