I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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