What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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