she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
