I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
be right there i have to get my cape
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm