Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4 http://tfl.nu/vujr
  Replies (8) Good night (1328) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  You at least unplugged it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought... (1-540): You at least unplugged it right? http://tfl.nu/cwvi
  Replies (37) Good night (1224) Bad night (4051)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah. http://tfl.nu/uiae
  Replies (12) Good night (4508) Bad night (1404)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (14173) Bad night (1451)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them http://tfl.nu/te5k
  Replies (15) Good night (4582) Bad night (1634)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6826) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out http://tfl.nu/bygf
  Replies (4) Good night (6590) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead http://tfl.nu/5uyo
  Replies (14) Good night (804) Bad night (2707)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  ugh yes i love our date nights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey (1-814): ugh yes i love our date nights http://tfl.nu/d1p8
  Replies (4) Good night (3106) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/ippt
  Replies (9) Good night (2590) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions? http://tfl.nu/r2b3
  Replies (6) Good night (2055) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0
  Replies (28) Good night (3059) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket. (1-651): It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm. http://tfl.nu/ei3h
  Replies (8) Good night (2422) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now. (1-253): Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now. http://tfl.nu/vki8
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way! http://tfl.nu/jf3p
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (278)

Randomize