he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets