I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.