I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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