So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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