Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
