I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
