I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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