he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Will exercising make me less horny?
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