Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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