my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
