I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
