I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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