Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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