You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
