she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
