Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
