Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
