It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
