haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
