I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
