If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
