a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.