Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.