I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision