I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.