I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
stop calling my apartment porn island.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair