Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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