I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...