just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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