Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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