she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
