Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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