there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
