Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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