You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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