Girls should come with a carfax report
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
