Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
