So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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