You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
