it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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