I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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