take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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