well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Barsexuality is the new black.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
