Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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