Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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