i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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