He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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