First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
