I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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